A couple days back I laid down on my sister’s bed and showed a cheesy life-organizing tip I’d seen on Youtube. You can see the same video here. It’s just a silly map of the areas in your life you prioritize and want to improve on. They start off very basic and general (e.g. health) so it’s unequivocally agreed upon as an area in need of improvement- incredibly helpful for the indecisive/unsure of life passions person. Then the process is simply breaking down the area into smaller areas and then those areas into even smaller areas, until the action is suitable enough for a step-by-step to-do. So the point of the method is to transform complex, nebulous life goals into a singular and (hopefully) simplistic action. So I showed this to Susan with sheer jubilance- I had been on a motivational binge. Tangential info: I say I like self-help without the part where I actually help myself. Half goofy statement? Under the bubble labeled “Art” I had broken it down to a list of areas I wanted expertise in: painting, drawing, writing. With the first action under the general “Art” I wrote about spending 30 minutes a day blogging. After considering the other steps/areas in the sphere of art I noted to the side of this first step: “EASY!!” and wrote “difficult :(” next to improving my painting skills.
A lot of the times spending time thinking and planning a task ends up misplacing proper attention towards the accoutrements that might accompany the task. Instead of being optional aids to the task itself, they become surrogates for the initial purpose. It’s kind of like Instagram creating Stories, a secondary medium screwing over the first. I’ve realized these are some kind of comfort for me, a bracing mechanism for the torrent that is simple action-since my nature state seems to lodge itself in the murky realm of passivity in uncertainty. In a way I must create these barriers myself, brick walls that could otherwise just be open blue. And a breeze shakes through the cracks! That’s me right now, at 2:31 am in my university’s 24/7 computer lab. It’s a way to stave off my discomfort at being in another strange place in another week.
So I’m moving the stone. There are enough of me’s in this weird brain to me myself out of me enough to maybe me me into this-another me. And then the wind stops to open space still-on the edge of simple eruption. *
*I love dashes.