10 Day Journaling Challenge: Day 3

Inspired by an accidental subscription to a Skillshare class taught by Emily Gould. Read her old blog here.

I’m thankful for deep sleeps. I’m thankful for the reliable death I experience each night. I’m thankful to the way my body feels after resting. I’m thankful for my memories of dreams and the dreamlike memories of my waking life and how they feed into one another with time. I’m thankful for the upright position I’m able to maintain while writing this. I’m thankful that I don’t feel too burdened by finances right now, that I’m not completely cut off from love, and that I don’t feel like dying each time I wake up. 

Today I noticed a dream where I slept and woke up to a world where going to church meant professional success. Today I woke up and noticed that this might be the case. Today I noticed I’m sick, not in a spiritual way, in that I’m mostly dead, but physically, emotionally, mentally sick. Today I noticed the inertia i takes to move one’s hands across a Mac keyboard to peel back feelings and drop them in the clear acid of day. Today I noticed the absence of present pain and the presence of absent pain of the past – my childhood. Today I woke up and noticed I had dreamed of a hybrid churchxhiring event event where attendees wore robes in a school gym, where I took the wrong papers when they announced my already wrongly written note, where I ran around looking for the correct ones from random family members hoping to avoid me, where I picked up an order from a hybrid NYC alley and the entrance to the church at Kirkwood – where I found the chicken porridge of my youth steaming next to me on a bicycle out of view between the chain-link fences at blue night. Today I noticed the concern these dreams expressed, today I noticed their empathy as my own anxiety. Today I noticed a dreamed dream in which I escape both aspects of the past situation and find myself in search of a cheap art gallery to own and maintain. The monthly rent is 4 thousand and I make this in between shifts UberEatsing in Texas, half-time driving half-time running the art gallery. Today I noticed there is no cheap art gallery in Texas. Today I noticed I’m sad.   

Each day I’ll upload a post from the challenge involving the prompt “I’m thankful” or “I’m grateful” and “Today I noticed.” If you take up the challenge yourself, please share them with me! I would love to read and write together.

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