fear is the greatest human emotion, perhaps the only one.

fear is the greatest human emotion, perhaps the only one. even love is a sub-feeling, a by-product of fear. we love out of fear. no matter what fear, it doesn’t matter. fear of loneliness, mostly. fear of death. wanting to last in people’s memories.

not sure where this is from

To all the clothes I loved before..

I’m trying to be a lot more deliberate in my looks now that I kind of have nowhere to go. For hair.. I’ve had a pretty boring series of haircuts all my life; I’ve never ever dyed my hair, never done anything wild in styling it, and have never had an unusual cut. I cut my own hair now, which is an easy 2-minute buzz of my back and side hair and a 20-minute to an hour long haphazard job with my top and front hair which I hack at using a pair of scissors and a wild amount of self-doubt.

So, I’ve had some haircuts that I preferred. For a long time it was really long hair – so no haircut at all. More recently it’s been short hair.

into this- last last summer

Here’s me with messy short hair (and overall messy look) which I liked a lot at the time:

also from last last summer

I still like the messy short hair – it’s easy, and looks alright sometimes. Having looks look good by chance was my style philosophy for a while. Intentionally stylized looks could be fake, or forced. But they could be beautiful too.

full on

My lazy style meant throwing on all the clothes I loved, messy hair don’t care. Now I guess I’m thinking of paring back, wearing maybe just 3 colors at most lol. To all the clothes I loved before.. I’m still thinking of clothes I love as items that I can still love…just not all on myself 100% of the time.

Hair is still a WIP. I love my black hair, I don’t think I’d ever dye it. I also don’t like gel, so the best I could do is something wild with the buzz. Or I could start wearing wigs.. Khruangbin vibes?

with big sunnies 😎

Muff

going back in time. here are 10+ drafts from my tumblr vault–a washed out look into 2012-2015. Age 13-15.

Music to Check OUT/ download

http://blankkytt.bandcamp.com/album/heavy-crazy-serious

http://www.insaneproject.com/2011/12/2011-10th-best-tracks.html

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/The_Paperhead/Live_at_WFMU_on_Talks_Cheap_July_28th_2011/The_Paperhead_-_04_-_Cant_Keep_My_Eyes_Open

Engorgio

Just more thoughts while I’m on this machine. I feel unfortunate because this will make the total number of my drafts reach thirteen.. oh well. Haha well, this art-blog-scrolling-music-listening hobby of mine is getting nowhere. It has no point, and yes I don’t know. The music is nice though, very goood. So I am going to watch television series now I guess, which is so dissapointing, but there’s no helping it. I’m sorry.

Queer Art and Work and Words

Reading – skipping lines, dropping words, mutating forms, skimming – as a kind of poetry

y

some rules of alliance born of sound display

Today I went from opening a regular email to clicking to a list of 50 Best LGBTQ books on Oprah Magazine, to a review of Jean Cocteau: A Life, to more work by the reviewer, to a piece on Instagram and looks.

In a separate distraction, a search auto-populated with some past page I must have opened of an i-D article on side-hustles that I’m now fully reading. Looking at quotes like “inactivity as a goal”

floating notes: aspiring artists used to make porn in the 70s.
giving the audience exactly what they want describes porn

How to capture the essence of a moment

To capture the essence of a moment, put it in a bottle and secure it’s precious quality for later reminiscence. How to: 

1. Find an empty part of the mind.

2. Keep mind open.

3. Allow moment’s sensations and emotions to flow into the vacant lot.

4. Focus on capturing the essence.

5. Seal the memory by soaking oneself in its sensory perceptions and feelings.

Ender’s Game

Just watched the movie. Out of pure curiosity, I mean there’s a movie, why not watch it? Gavin Hood directed it, and he also did Wolverine, which was absolutely pounded by the critics. I found that out after the viewing, so I could watch it unbiased and develop my own opinion in contrast to the book. All of my following statements are obviously my own personal opinion, I don’t want to sound pretentious, or odd about the whole thing.

A book adapted into a film will always have it’s shortcomings. Unfortunately, Ender’s Game had many, but it had some redeeming factors worth pointing out. The book allows the reader to peek into Ender’s mind, and the benefit of the third-person limited-omniscient viewpoint is that the protagonist is much more complex, and his thoughts are compounded thoroughly, resulting in a truly visceral experience.The movie on the other hand was handicapped by it’s inability to see into the Ender’s mind, therefore we had to rely on the character’s actions, and put our faith in Asa’s acting prowess. To say the least, he did well! I didn’t like how Gavin modified the script at some points, he even omitted the kiss from Alai, which I thought was a pivotal point in the plot structure. Instead he allowed the momentous encounter to pass without much recognition. A kiss on the cheek implanted the instance deep into the reader’s mind, a mere gesture of departure does not do the same for the viewer. This along with many other details, were chopped off from the body of the original plot. The movie suffered from shallow characterization in favor of eye-catching special effects, which were, as expected, spectacular. One thing I did like about Gavin’s revision was the alteration of the mind-game. It was practical in it’s execution, and added a layer to the otherwise woefully mundane Ender. The movie moved too fast for my taste, a side-effect of the many omissions and revisions. Now that I’m done degrading the movie, I can’t find any reasons to commend it. I mean, the Battle School was a dazzling set to look at. Asa Butterfield is great, but that deserves it’s own little draft, because if I’m gonna mention greatness, I have to point out Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, and Viola Davis. I couldn’t get Davis’s maid character in The Help out of my head though….

Well that’s all, I thought I would have an intelligent discourse on the film, but I guess in the end I’m just disappointed. The book wowed me so much I read it twice! I was hoping the same for the movie, but in the back of my mind I knew this crazy sci-fi concept would be blown up in favor of mass appeal. So yeah; lots of action, explosions, not much character development, but I understand that. Once again-Asa Butterfield, that is all.#asa butterfield#ender’s game#harrison ford#viola davis#ben kingsley

A Single Man

Just watched this movie directed by Tom Ford (yes the fashion designer) and I am completely blown away. The visuals were so gratifying, but at the same time served an important purpose in the film’s style and themes. Ford tells the story (based on a book) so strikingly well, there are times when I slowed down in sync with the scene slowing down. I’m typing this on my phone so I can’t express completely how impressed I am by this movie. The great art direction, moody music, and powerful performances come together incredibly well. I honestly only have praises for this film, which means I should probably stop typing. I only write when I feel the need to critique a movie (Ender’s Game), but this one moved me so. I should analyze what I think certain parts of the movie mean.