School today

Soundtrack: Seth Avett and Jessica Lea Mayfield 

Recently junior year’s ongoings have been regular, but my stain-glassed foggy glasses have changed experience coming through them into prismatic pools of light – seemingly different colors and emotions. There’s chocolate on the keyboards and it’ll probably still be there by the time I read this again. What I’m saying is that there’s a normality to daily routine. A romantic sheen has coated my boredom, but not in the way I used to skew memories and reality with distant distillation and music. I see how poor school life is for me, not thinking much to accept these surroundings. I’m not so naively pessimistic either and maybe that’s where this new lightness has come from. Contrastedly there’s the pressure from AP Exams, you know I can’t read anymore? Not this textbook listing of facts. It’s unbearable sometimes, but I’ve sworn off literature until after they’ve passed. There are also classes like Precal and Physics; I’m floundering in both. Boredom has come to completely represent stupidity and not complete understanding. I didn’t want to have to worry about grades when preparing for exams….and these are the few dull things bothering me today now forgotten by Daniel Nguyen of later. I’m listening to Elliot Smith covers and remembering that at least I still have emotions. I know that sounds pitifully teenage-y, but I’m not cool or smart enough to phrase impressions any other way. Might just delete this later.

on the night sky

Here I was again, 4 am in the empty school lab of my egregiously expensive university. What came of this night? I skipped into like a bright-eyed doe innocent and open to the unexpected. The night tore my mind to shreds, no rust, no mercy.

So I spent the second night of my first week on campus back in the chilly walls of the computer lab, where slick MacBook desktops mixed half in half with older lenovo desktops would stand superior by appearance if not for the mess of pollock finger prints smeared in ubiquitous patterns over most of their faces. I shopped books, I sat and watched videos, I took walks back and forth on the Unispan’s whale tail-listening to scotty and staring at my night time reflection from the dull white lights lining the top of the whale’s back. I left the upper levels and went into the Student Center belly where empty club spaces pronounced their memory with scratchy cafeteria wood carvings and Sharpie signatures. I contemplated buying a 1.50 bag of chips. All this was a part of some kind of quest to feel life without life present. I slipped unknowingly into the back of the dining area and stared at the frozen containers of hash browns through small industrial windows and stared more at strips of seasoned meat left in open fridges left only slightly ajar. I promptly slipped out under the push of a childish guilt. Silly?

No longer ready to take the world by storm, I’m ready to retire to the outdoor heat before seeking some shut eye myself. So I sleep with the night sky.